May 2012
8 posts
Scrubbed.
I deleted my last blog post because I realized it wasn’t the most professional. Especially since I am a professional looking for a job - which I guess wouldn’t make me a professional at all.
And for the record, Waq, I have many interesting people on my dashboard - they just don’t wear clothes is all.
goodbyeblighty said: I’m hardly a sexy beast :( also, I have considerable personality defects that aren’t appealing to those desi women but I’m working on it.
What qualities do desi women like? Please say atheism, sarcasm, and deep-seated alcoholism?
goodbyeblighty said: Do you want a job in Saudi? I can’t hook myself up with a desi girl, let alone find one for you :(
Yes! I’m very curious about Saudi Arabia after reading your blog. You can’t hook up with a desi girl? You are such a catch, you sexy beast! (that’s partially the whiskey talking)
goodbyeblighty said: So when can I come to visit?
I was going to ask if I can come visit you.
goodbyeblighty said: I’m desi! :P Pakistani originally. No curry for you, though. How did you end up there? Are you looking for an English teaching job? Post more!!
Hook a brother up with a job / cute desi girl!
goodbyeblighty said: What the hell are you doing in South Africa?! I thought you were set for Central Asia?!
Well, I finished my contract in Indonesia so I moved in with my family in South Africa, who just moved here themselves last year.
I’m living amongst rich white people, old rich racist white people, rich black people, poor black people who are racist against rich black people, and...
goodbyeblighty asked: Where are you, Alex?! I miss you :(
Minor Updates.
Here’s a quick re-cap on the past month or so of my life:
1) I’ve developed an Indian-girl fetish - which sucks because that’s the one racial demographic that is not know for it’s porn.
2) Oh yeah, I moved to freaking South Africa!
But more importantly, if there are any Desi ladies that are looking for some spicy white curry, call me up.
Or, message me because you...
April 2012
1 post
March 2012
5 posts
It's Just a Piece of Cloth.
My friend, goodbyeblighty, has been fielding a lot of questions about Muslim women wearing hijabs. Waq, being a Muslim man, is quite qualified to talk about his opinions on the the matter. I, being an atheist, am not. However, judging other cultures that you know little about is fun and good for the Ol’ Superiority Complex - so I’m going to add my two cents.
Honestly, I have mixed...
Chicken Fart.
Wow, I can’t believe I only have four weeks left in Indonesia. This year flew by so fast I can barely remember it.
Then again, I can barely remember anything - I have the worst memory on the planet; which makes it all the more depressing when I think about all my experiences during the last two years in Indonesia.
I have forgotten incredible waterfalls, mountains, beaches, and temples. I...
palmsies asked: So, I see you're a dude teaching English in Indonesia, and about to go to Kyrgyzstan. This is really bizarre to me, because I recently taught English in Kyrgyzstan, and am about to move to Indonesia (Bandung to be precise) to do the same. I just randomly found your blog by googling "bule" and "Bandung." Anyway, how have you enjoyed Indonesia so far? You're going to...
Tempted By The Cream of Another.
Let me start of by saying this: I don’t have a good track record for monogamy.
I’ve cheated on three different girls my life. While all three times highlighted something important about the respective relationship (namely, that I shouldn’t be in them), I do regret doing them. I never came away proud, or happy, or even sated of whatever desire that motivated me to cheat in the...
#WeepForTheWorld.
I really need to stop reading the trending hash tags in the Discover section of Twitter. It’s becoming a morbid compulsion, like watching a traffic accident - except instead of cars, it’s the end of humanity as we know it.
Here are all the Twitter trending topic hash tags you will ever see:
“#BlahBlahBlah stop cheating on yo girl!” (This seems to appear regardless of the...
February 2012
13 posts
Translation.
What I Say: “I should write more.”
What I Mean: “I should buy an iPad 3 … so I can write more.”
White People Problems.
I lost my passport a few days ago. Originally, I blamed it on my teenage, poorly-paid maid who no doubt threw it away while she was cleaning my room. As it turns out, it was in the exact place I left it last time: under a pile of pirated DVDs.
So, yeah, I’m a jerk.
Time, and The Running Out Of.
My boss informed me yesterday that I only have seven more weeks at my school left before my contract ends. Seven weeks.
The news kind of shocked me: I had always figured that I had a vague “couple of months” left in my contract. But actually thinking about my remaining time in Indonesia in terms of weeks… it seems so short. I’m not even going to bother working out the...
BANANA!
That is all…
Addendum - MattShury
The last post I made garnered quite some attention despite it’s vagueness. Just goes to show you that nothing is more intriguing to the reader’s eye than the Caps Lock button.
More interestingly, it even caught the eye of Matt Shury, a funny comedian and one of my worst best-friends ever. I forgot to include Matt in my earlier “Blogs You Should Follow” post which I know he...
To The Point.
I just wrote a long blog post and abruptly deleted it.
Here’s the gist:
I JUST REALIZED I AM TOTALLY WASTING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! AHHHHHHHHHH!
Re: Eye Candy.
goodbyeblighty said: Home cooked meals are the best! They’re so, so, so good. You’ve gotta love them. I got one on Friday night and it made me cry with joy. Don’t hook up with the bored moms because that’d be nasty… Get it together, Alex!
Good sir, I’m insulted by the implication. I’m a geisha girl, not a courtesan.
Eye Candy.
I have to teach “Housewives Club” at my school tomorrow.
The club, comprised of mothers waiting for their children to finish class, exists in no way to further the English abilities of its attendees. My role is not so much to teach but to flirt with all the bored housewives. I’m there so they can act out their fantasy of being attracted to someone other than their husbands....
Blogs I Like and Why I Fear Them.
Blog: Goodbyeblighty
Description: A really cool guy teaching English in Saudi Arabia at the moment.
Fear: The day I get drunk and call him a “filthy sand Mexican” before collapsing on the floor, crying in the fetal position. I’m not sure why, I just have a feeling I would. I have issues.
Blog: Baverineceaser
Description: An old friend. Also, her blog is what I use when the...
Hardly Working.
I’m spending my entire Saturday doing interviews of new students for my school.
The process involves three hours of waiting around the office and five minutes of actual work. Wash, rinse, repeat.
At least my boss is cool enough to let me hang out in the nearby cafe while I wait.
Muses.
I don’t really have much to say these days.
Strange, because I have a lot of stuff on my plate at the moment, or rather, simmering on the back-burner of the kitchen… of my mind? I don’t know - cooking analogy are weird.
I’ve been in an odd mental funk at work. I’ve been zapped of all motivation and drive to excel. Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem at the...
January 2012
6 posts
Alex Reads The Qur'an.
I’m trying to read the Qur’an. It’s not going so well.
I started reading at the request of my girlfriend who is not-so-subtly trying to convert me. I can’t say I’m not a bit offended; she can try to convert me, but I can’t convert her to whatever the hell it is I believe (Spiderman-ism?). However, she was correct in calling me out on my “I’m student...
Sans Technology - Results.
I did it - one full day without internet, phone, or computer. One very long day…
Activity-wise, my day was very busy. During the day, I took a long walk, read many books, exercised, and cooked lunch. Later at night, my girlfriend came over and provided… uh, an additional distraction you can say.
The biggest thing I learned from the experience is that 90% of what I say is...
Sans Technology.
Tomorrow I’m attempting to go one full day without Internet, tv, computer, or video games - wish me luck!
Stuff, Stuff, Stuff.
I only have three months left in Indonesia.
That’s a thought that has been popping up in my mind a lot. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way.
In the good way, I have some awesome adventures lined up for me. First, I have three months visiting my family who have just recently moved to South Africa. After that, I will be heading to Kyrgyzstan for a seven month teaching contract....
Zero Sum.
Woke up this morning, worked out at the gym.
Spent the next two hours laying in my underwear browsing the internet.
Is it possible to have neutral health?
December 2011
4 posts
Re: Citation Needed.
Goodbyeblighty replied to your post: Citation Needed. That doesn’t sound appealing at all… :S Good luck feeding your friends that, Alex!
Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
That being said, I totally messed it up, rendering it barely edible.
Still, go Canada!
Citation Needed.
Tonight, for New Year’s Eve, I’m attempting to make poutine, a traditional meal originally taught to us by the native tribes of North America to help us settlers survive the harsh winters of Canada.
Here is the recipe, unaltered to preserve its traditional aboriginal roots:
French fries
Gravy
Cheese curds
Step One: Combine and consume.
Step Two: Hold stomach and cry.
If that...
Visa Doesn't Appreciate Good Music.
New Less Than Jake album New Meg & Dia album (well, just “Dia”, but still!) I’m still listening to Foster The People’s album I bought last week I’m still trying to wrap my mind around how amazing Adele’s new album is New Louie C.K. album for only $5 - DIY FTW!
Goddamnit!
Go Team!
This weekend I went on a “Team Building” retreat to Bogor.
First and foremost, I am NOT a team player. I’m a lone wolf - minus all the other endearing qualities a wolf possess. I’m more like a lone panda - slow and awkward, but in a kind of cute way. A life spent fine-tuning sarcasm does not respond well to rope bridges and team chanting. Which is unfortunate as I was...
November 2011
15 posts
Regression.
I’m listening to Blink 182’s new album while browsing the bass guitar section of Fender’s website. In other words, I am sixteen years-old again.
bermudianabroad asked: $1, 000, 000.05 That ought to tide you over for a while right? You're welcome.
Revenge and Ugly Sneakers.
Went to Bandung this weekend.
Bandung has always been a favorite little hideaway spot for me. Despite being a small city up in the mountains, it’s bustling with youthful energy. So much great music, clothing, and art comes from this little place - it’s kind of like Toronto, if Toronto wasn’t filled with hipster douchebags. Even the few Bandung hipsters I did see seemed to be...
Business Proposal.
I’ve decided that I want you guys to pay me to write on this blog. In exchange for monetary compensation, I will stop making whiny, introspective blog posts and actually turn this site into an interesting travelogue. Deal?* Great, I await your first installment.
*Blink once for yes.
Video Gameaholic.
I’ve been contemplating my video gaming consumption recently. I don’t think I have a full blown addiction seeing as I still have a job and a girlfriend. Also, I am still not Asian. That being said, I can’t really consider the last seven months to have been particularly productive because of my gaming.
My poison of choice is MMO’s. Longtime readers may remember my relapse...
FourSquare...Squared.
FourSquare just added levels to their badges! So now instead of only winning a badge once, I can win it multiple times! This changes everything! I feel as if I have just been given an additional reason to live!
Between this and Geocaching, I feel my life is becoming an RPG game. Soon, I will be referring to myself as a level 25 English teacher.
Comfort Zone.
Just finished listening to a very inspirational speech by Joe Rogan. He’s an amazing comedian, and although his philosophies can get pretty “spaceman” at times, you can’t deny that he seems like a genuinely positive guy.
In the interview, he was talking about challenging yourself - which resonated with me as that’s exactly what I haven’t been doing this...
Brain Frozen With Nostalgia.
Today, I went on a mission to Jakarta with the girlfriend to find a guitar shop. Out of the three potential stores we located on Google Maps, we found approximately zero of them. However, we did find a 7-11 and had Slurpees so the mission was a partial success.
oeyz asked: i followed you right after i read the mantap post.. thats fucking hillarious..
